I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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