dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
