I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
