Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm like, not good at living.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
