Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
