Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
