I faked an abortion last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
