Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
one might say we're banned from that church
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize