i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
