I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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