Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
