history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
These tits shall not be calmed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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