shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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