.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
