You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
