i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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