I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
