Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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