If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You're breaking my sexual little heart
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
