It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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