so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
