We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
