It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize