theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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