your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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