I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
