Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
