That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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