If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
