nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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