making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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