Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
