He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
