There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
