At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
