I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
