Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
