Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
