She announced her abortion via fbk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
