HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
