I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
