me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
