eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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