You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
