I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
