We won't sleep together?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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