Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize