the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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