You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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