I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i think i just lost a toe
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
