I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
