we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
