Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
