i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize