grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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