it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
