ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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