I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
