that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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