I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
