Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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