he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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