Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh god it's open bar.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
