My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize