My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just pynch a tree in the face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I came so hard my ears popped.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
