Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
operation harelip BJ is a go
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
