Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
