you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
