I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
