I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just blew my weed a kiss
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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