that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
