Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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