What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize