turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
