I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
