he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
