So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
