god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
