My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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