we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
