New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
