I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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