he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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