Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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