Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
