Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
