coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
