I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
