Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
