I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
