true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
