Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
