I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
