Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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