First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
