I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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