I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
