Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
