Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
