just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize