11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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