Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize