I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
