1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize