I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
