You work out of a Hotel?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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